The new TV commercial for the Clearblue Easy pregnacy test says, (I kid you not):
THE EASIET PREGNANCY TEST YOU WILL EVER PEE ON!!!
I can't even begin to comment.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Creepy Folks
Ok, so the new chick at the 7eleven creeps me the fuck out.
The strange thing is that I don't get creeped out easily by folks. I'm pretty easy going, considering the vast array of odd personalities making up my friends and family, not to mention the wonderful assortment of cartoon characters roaming Virginia Beach. Most of the crazy people I come into contact with give me hours of entertainment.
* The crazy homeless guy that lives behind the Fun House and screams constantly at god knows what.
*My crazy stalker guy that used to have his own T-Shirts and hats made up, saying stuff like "Big Pimpin", and "Masta Gangsta" in huge block type letters.
*Ray, the driver of the "Red Neck Taxicab"...yall have got to call A-1 cab and ride around with Ray for just 5 minutes. He makes me want to pee myself. Ray actually screams rodeo calls at passing cars.
*"The Leafblower Lady" who lives in my neighborhood. This woman spends hours.....HOURS!!! every single day blowing "leaves" out of her yard. Except that there are no leaves. There's not even grass. Sometimes, I leave the house, and come back 4 hours later, and she's still blowing nothing around her yard. The other day, she was under her trailer blowing nothing out from under it.
*The crazy dyke bitch 7eleven Nazi on Cypress. This bitch is nuts. People with tiny amounts of power crack me up. I've seen this nutball card a 55 year old woman for cigarettes, refuse to exchange a newspaper because a customer bought the wrong one, and refuse service to someone who was paying with $3 in quarters. She made the mistake of carding me once, (when I only go in there twice a fucking day), and I told her to fuck off, so she's just as sweet as she can be now.
Anyway, my point is that all of those folks (and hundreds more) are just as nutty as they can be, and it's all good, but this new gal? Hmmmm, I just don't know about her.
First, she's got bug eyes. And she walks around the store and swings her arms about, like she's walking in a field of wheat in the summer time. And then she turns and looks at you and smiles (with her bug eyes), and it's the creepiest smile on the planet, like if you were alone with her, she'd spend hours hacking you into tiny little pieces. When you check out at her register, she picks up everything verrrrrry slowly, and looks at it, turning your bag of Doritos around and around, studying it. Then she announces, "oooookkay, Dorrrittttossss" like that, realllllllllly slowly, and she does it with everything you have. THEN she'll start cracking up at something you bought, and says, "HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I just LOOVEEEEEEE Dr. Pepper!! Isn't it great!?!"
UH-huh, yes it is.
Then she looks at you with her bug eyes so intently, ....ooooooh, I know! It's like a praying mantis, who is about to eat it's mate's head. I swear!
Honest to goodness, she makes me want to run out of there screaming.
The strange thing is that I don't get creeped out easily by folks. I'm pretty easy going, considering the vast array of odd personalities making up my friends and family, not to mention the wonderful assortment of cartoon characters roaming Virginia Beach. Most of the crazy people I come into contact with give me hours of entertainment.
* The crazy homeless guy that lives behind the Fun House and screams constantly at god knows what.
*My crazy stalker guy that used to have his own T-Shirts and hats made up, saying stuff like "Big Pimpin", and "Masta Gangsta" in huge block type letters.
*Ray, the driver of the "Red Neck Taxicab"...yall have got to call A-1 cab and ride around with Ray for just 5 minutes. He makes me want to pee myself. Ray actually screams rodeo calls at passing cars.
*"The Leafblower Lady" who lives in my neighborhood. This woman spends hours.....HOURS!!! every single day blowing "leaves" out of her yard. Except that there are no leaves. There's not even grass. Sometimes, I leave the house, and come back 4 hours later, and she's still blowing nothing around her yard. The other day, she was under her trailer blowing nothing out from under it.
*The crazy dyke bitch 7eleven Nazi on Cypress. This bitch is nuts. People with tiny amounts of power crack me up. I've seen this nutball card a 55 year old woman for cigarettes, refuse to exchange a newspaper because a customer bought the wrong one, and refuse service to someone who was paying with $3 in quarters. She made the mistake of carding me once, (when I only go in there twice a fucking day), and I told her to fuck off, so she's just as sweet as she can be now.
Anyway, my point is that all of those folks (and hundreds more) are just as nutty as they can be, and it's all good, but this new gal? Hmmmm, I just don't know about her.
First, she's got bug eyes. And she walks around the store and swings her arms about, like she's walking in a field of wheat in the summer time. And then she turns and looks at you and smiles (with her bug eyes), and it's the creepiest smile on the planet, like if you were alone with her, she'd spend hours hacking you into tiny little pieces. When you check out at her register, she picks up everything verrrrrry slowly, and looks at it, turning your bag of Doritos around and around, studying it. Then she announces, "oooookkay, Dorrrittttossss" like that, realllllllllly slowly, and she does it with everything you have. THEN she'll start cracking up at something you bought, and says, "HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I just LOOVEEEEEEE Dr. Pepper!! Isn't it great!?!"
UH-huh, yes it is.
Then she looks at you with her bug eyes so intently, ....ooooooh, I know! It's like a praying mantis, who is about to eat it's mate's head. I swear!
Honest to goodness, she makes me want to run out of there screaming.
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