Magical Beach

Yeah for some, maybe.

I intended to write this full of wit and sarcasm, detailing the insanity that is Virginia Beach. But, for once, words failed me, and I am too heavy hearted for the sarcasm that masks my feelings.

The honest truth... I hate it here, and every day that goes by leaves me feeling more and more suffocated.

I hate the beach. I hate the tourists. I hate the locals. I hate the traffic. I hate the jets. I hate the hoodlums. I hate the police. The list is endless; I hate everything about being here.

Every day, I wonder, "How do I fix this? How do I get out of here? What am I going to do?" Then, life's daily hurdles take over, and I forget that I am trapped like an animal in a cage. The thought of being caged this way forever leaves me saddened and bitter.

I can't see the way out; I can't figure out how to turn it all around. Every time I think I am taking a step forward, life is kind enough to knock me five steps back. I'm starting to learn that it is a pointless struggle.

Luckily, I know how to put on a happy face and pretend to the universe that all is well. I am the strong one after all... isn't that right? Tough as nails; I can handle anything... or so everyone keeps telling me.

Ooooh, the sarcasm is back; the mask must be falling back over my face.

There is no magic here.

My New Love

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. It's rare that a boy can stick with me for very long. Alas, my two year relationship with Jamie came to an ugly end the other night. It was meant to be; we had been having problems for awhile now. I cried a bit, but I have moved on.

Meet my new love, Charlie. Charlie is a girl, because I have enough boys to love. She's pretty damn sweet, not at all tempermental. Of course, chicks don't show their true colors for awhile, so I am taking this new relationship slow, until I am sure that she is worthy of my undying love and devotion.

Still, though, we're having a pretty good time getting to know each other. AND! She doesn't mind all of my prior baggage that I have loaded her with.

New loves are always fantastic adventures!

KimPossible Dreams

Man, I am so not kidding... Kim Possible has got to be the hottest cartoon chick since Jessica Rabbit.

I know; I know; it's sick. She's a cartoon. An UNDERAGE cartoon at that.

Still... Damn!

Here We Go

Well, it's unofficially Spring down at the beach (if by Spring, one means 30 degrees). Time to get back to work, dust off the cobwebs, clean the sand off of the windows, and get ready for the tourists. For me, this also means time to break out the longjohns, coffee pots, and blankets, and get ready to freeze to death while watching the retard tourists that decide to vacation at the beach in March.

It's always fun to walk down the strip now, if you can stand the cold. Minor construction is going on down every block; ladders and skill saws are resting in every other storefront. There's always a new business opening, and for about 2 days, it's interesting to wonder what will be there. (It's only interesting for 2 days, because there is only so much awe and wonder a person can have for a tourist shop). It's cool to chat with fellow beach workers, quick fill in conversations about wonderful winters, and excitement about being back to work and the upcoming season.

These conversations always make me smile, because the "beginning of the season" conversations certainly differ from the "end of the season" ones. By Labor Day, these smiling exciting faces will be replaced by run down, weary forced smiles... everyone counting the days until all of the evil miserable tourists are gone.

Shoot, I'm doing that already. :)

Neptune

I'm really not digging the King Neptune statue on 31st Street.

You know, I try not to go down that far, because construction on that stupid Hilton monstrosity works on my nerves. But, I had no choice the other day, and was driving past, and I swear to the gods (no pun intended), it looks as if it GROWS every time I see it.

It's got to be the tackiest thing I have ever seen in my life. I can't believe that thing doesn't scare the living shit out of kids. The "artists" that came up with this contraption are certainly suffering from massive cases of penis envy.

Did we really pay money for this? Couldn't we have all just chipped in for a Taco Bell or something?

Fried Computer/Fried Nerves

Well, this week started out just peachy keen.

There was a power surge on Sunday night at my house, and it fried my computer. I basically had a conniption fit, as I am known to do from time to time. It didn't last long, though, I was calmed by my most precious of friends, who helped me get started on the road to restoring my most prized possession, and basically held my hand through the entire obnoxious ordeal (which has lasted DAYS). Thank you, love bug... I'd be in an institution if it wasn't for you... YOU ARE THE BEST!

This whole week has made me realize that what I need to do is go and live with an African Zulu Pygmy tribe.... far far far away from electricity and gadgets of any kind.

Jesus Christ!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I really am going to kill all of my friends. I know that we all go crazy from time to time, but does everyone have to be a fucking nutball at the same time? Can't we take turns or something? I really can't take much more.

I'm not going to air anyone's dirty secrets. Oh yeah, I am; I'm just not naming names. Here's what I'd like to say to the lot of em, instead of smiling and saying, "mmmm-hmmm."

* Why the hell are you pissed off because you can't get unemployment? YOU QUIT YOUR FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you want money, get your lazy ass back to work, and quit bitching about it to everyone.

* A 6 year old child that rolls his eyes and talks back to adults has no business getting his own video game system 2 months after Christmas.

* If you can't pay your mortgage, how bout giving up your 6 vacations a year?

* Karma is a bitch....but only if you are first. Show some consideration for other people once in awhile, and good things might happen for you.

* If you are so bored, why don't you get a friggin hobby instead of pouting like a damn baby. Don't be mad cause everyone else isn't licking your ass. Not all of us are content to stare at the wall all day long.

* Is there some reason you feel the need to argue for every little thing on the planet?

* You broke up!! AGES AGO!!!! Leave the goddamned girl alone!!!! Quit calling her boyfriend; quit calling her. IT"S OVER!!!!!

* You can't ignore all of the rules of life and go about doing whatever you please without suffering the consequences.

* If you don't put oil in your car for 2 years, don't act shocked as shit when the engine blows and it costs you $4,000 to fix it.

* When you know you're going to have to pay $4,000 to fix your car, what the fuck are you doing getting a $600 tattoo?

* QUIT DRINKING THAT FUCKING POISON THAT IS RUINING YOUR GODDAMNED LIFE!!!!!!!!!

Growing Up

I am one of those obnoxious souls that never thinks before doing anything. Usually, I justify my ignorance by saying that I am a "free spirit" or some other bullshit statement. The truth is...I JUST DON'T FUCKING THINK! About anything! Ever!

Oh no, that's not true. I think. After I've screwed up. Theeeen I think about the aftermath and consequences of my actions. I'm constantly digging holes for myself that I need to climb back out of later, rarely ever realizing that it's my own fault. Today I narrowly missed digging a bottomless pit that I would never be able to climb out of. It was a frightening wake up call.

There are far more important things than flitting around the universe being cute and adorable.

I can no longer afford to be so cavalier about life.

Passing Time

Okay, so I know I haven't posted in awhile, but I have been extremely busy.

Doing what? I have no idea.

I can't seem to find enough time in the day to do anything anymore. Sleeping used to be my favorite activity. Now it aggravates me. I'm wasting precious hours that could be devoted to doing lord only knows what.

But, just in case you are interested, here's a little rundown of my activities of the last couple of weeks:

* Helped Elisa move. Gonna have to do it again soon. Lucky for her, she's moving near Chick's Beach, which is my fav spot in the city. Now she's going to be stuck with me forever.

* Got sick. Really sick with some ugly, nasty stomach bug. I lived, though, in case you were wondering.

* Aidan (my cat) got sick. Hospital sick. Poor boy; he's home now with new food and new medicine, which took my rent money, so now we might have to go and live in a box.

* Got to hang out online and catch up with my sister, which has been pretty cool. It's her birthday today too! Happy big day, Chrys!!!!!!!!

* My car is starting to hate me. I am crossing my fingers that it holds out until next month, so I can spend THAT rent check on it.

* I had to add 200 minutes to my cell phone plan, because I went over on my minutes in 2 weeks last month. Apparently that didn't help, because I have now done the same thing this month. Hmmm, maybe that is where my precious time is slipping away to.

* Oh yeah, I BROKE the goddamn phone last month, too. Cracked it right in half. Now I have a new one that is way cooler.

I think that's about it. Yes, I know; I'm a simple person.

Gotta Go?

The new TV commercial for the Clearblue Easy pregnacy test says, (I kid you not):

THE EASIET PREGNANCY TEST YOU WILL EVER PEE ON!!!

I can't even begin to comment.

Creepy Folks

Ok, so the new chick at the 7eleven creeps me the fuck out.

The strange thing is that I don't get creeped out easily by folks. I'm pretty easy going, considering the vast array of odd personalities making up my friends and family, not to mention the wonderful assortment of cartoon characters roaming Virginia Beach. Most of the crazy people I come into contact with give me hours of entertainment.

* The crazy homeless guy that lives behind the Fun House and screams constantly at god knows what.

*My crazy stalker guy that used to have his own T-Shirts and hats made up, saying stuff like "Big Pimpin", and "Masta Gangsta" in huge block type letters.

*Ray, the driver of the "Red Neck Taxicab"...yall have got to call A-1 cab and ride around with Ray for just 5 minutes. He makes me want to pee myself. Ray actually screams rodeo calls at passing cars.

*"The Leafblower Lady" who lives in my neighborhood. This woman spends hours.....HOURS!!! every single day blowing "leaves" out of her yard. Except that there are no leaves. There's not even grass. Sometimes, I leave the house, and come back 4 hours later, and she's still blowing nothing around her yard. The other day, she was under her trailer blowing nothing out from under it.

*The crazy dyke bitch 7eleven Nazi on Cypress. This bitch is nuts. People with tiny amounts of power crack me up. I've seen this nutball card a 55 year old woman for cigarettes, refuse to exchange a newspaper because a customer bought the wrong one, and refuse service to someone who was paying with $3 in quarters. She made the mistake of carding me once, (when I only go in there twice a fucking day), and I told her to fuck off, so she's just as sweet as she can be now.

Anyway, my point is that all of those folks (and hundreds more) are just as nutty as they can be, and it's all good, but this new gal? Hmmmm, I just don't know about her.

First, she's got bug eyes. And she walks around the store and swings her arms about, like she's walking in a field of wheat in the summer time. And then she turns and looks at you and smiles (with her bug eyes), and it's the creepiest smile on the planet, like if you were alone with her, she'd spend hours hacking you into tiny little pieces. When you check out at her register, she picks up everything verrrrrry slowly, and looks at it, turning your bag of Doritos around and around, studying it. Then she announces, "oooookkay, Dorrrittttossss" like that, realllllllllly slowly, and she does it with everything you have. THEN she'll start cracking up at something you bought, and says, "HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I just LOOVEEEEEEE Dr. Pepper!! Isn't it great!?!"

UH-huh, yes it is.

Then she looks at you with her bug eyes so intently, ....ooooooh, I know! It's like a praying mantis, who is about to eat it's mate's head. I swear!

Honest to goodness, she makes me want to run out of there screaming.

Clumsy

Well, this just fucking sucks!!!

I sprained my ankle tonight, pumping gas. Only me. Actually, I hurt both of my ankles, and so now I can't walk. I am stuck on the couch, unable to do shit. Yes, sitting on the couch doing nothing is what I do all day anyway, except that tonight, I actually had real things to do!!!!!!!!

SON OF A BITCH!!! I AM SO FUCKING AGGRAVATED!!!!!!!!

Winter Solstice...December 21, 2006

Happy Winter Solstice!

Rememberance, Life, Renewal, Mother Nature, Faith

Eating My Words

Okay, okay, I take it all back.

I have now become one of those stupid girls who waits anxiously for her special text message of the day. I am rolling my eyes at myself.

I HATE eating my own words, but I can't lie. Hearing that ring, and seeing that little mailbox on my phone brings out the biggest smiles and the worst case of the giggles imaginable. And boy-oh-boy...I can't punch those buttons fast enough to reply!

I have prided myself on being a non-girl for so long. Brendan even told me the other day that I wasn't really a "real" girl. All of my rules are breaking; another one (at least) every day. Next up is going to be dresses and heels (golly, I hope not!) I guess the fart jokes are going to go away too.

Doesn't matter....as long as I have the smiles and giggles.

Life is good.

What Is The Point...

...of text messaging on a cell phone? I'm not quite sure that people are understanding the whole concept of it all. Maybe it's just that there is something wrong with me, but I am just not getting this supposedly "wondrous" new fad.

OK, so you pay fifty bucks a month (or whatever, don't write me and tell me what you pay) for a cell phone. You have upteen number of minutes every single month to call and talk to anyone you want. Long distance is free. Nights and weekends are free. It's the easiest thing to use in the world, it's a telephone, for heaven's sake!!!!

Now, instead of using this fast, simple method of communication, you decide instead to turn what would have been a 5 minute conversation into a 60 minute ordeal. Let's say you get one of these oh-so-exciting messages from Sally Sue. Your phone rings (like they do), and instead of just flipping it open or pressing a button to answer, you have to press 5 buttons to get to the stupid message from Sally Sue, (who is extremely quick-witted) saying, "whazzup?" Now it's your turn. You click 5 more buttons, get to your little message screen, and spend the next 10 minutes crafting your clever response by hitting 243 buttons, only to end up with "nuttin". Then you hit "send" and wait. 10 more minutes go by, and here comes the bleeping sound, alerting you that Sally Sue has something extremely important to say. You go through the entire ordeal again, and to your delight you find her message saying, "im wurkin it sux". On and on the cycle goes, sometimes at $.99 per text. These are the same people who will not write a letter on paper because "snail mail" is slow.

Ummmmm, yeah right. I'm not spending $796 to send you stupid dumbass comments when you should have called me for free in the first place. I'm not screwing around with buttons for 3 hours when my own mouth runs at about 7 million words a minute.

Most of my folks know not to bother me with the text crap, except for Jen, who just learned this fun game. She does it constantly; I swear by all that is good in the world, sometimes she CALLS me and tells me that she is going to text me. She can barely use the phone itself; technology flies over her head, and yet she's figured this out. I finally had to program my email into her phone so that they come to my computer instead of my phone.

So don't bother blowing up my phone with texts explaining the wonders of this stupid game. I don't even check my voicemail; I am sure as hell not pushing 3098 damn buttons just to hear that you are going to WalMart today. (Unless you are buying me something at WalMart, in which case....CALL ME ON THE FRIGGIN PHONE!)

The Shame of My Sister

Crystal doesn't remember the Fairy Fairy?!?!?!?!?!?!??! This is the most disturbing news that I have ever recieved in my life. The Fairy Fairy must be crying right now.

Crystal Dawn, I love you to pieces......

When I think now about the painstaking lengths that Karen and I went through, just to make sure that the friggin Fairy Fairy came every night for you and Kate.....sigh.
Karen, just think...all of the candy we lost, all of our allowances we so willingly gave to our precious sisters, soley because we loved them so much. We would be SO RICH today. I remember actually getting into trouble when we decided that the Fairy Fairy needed to retire; and we had to keep doing it...forced to do good deeds against our wills for all of eternity.
Ok, so maybe it wasn't totally out of sisterly love, but out of a desperate need to get them to shut up and behave.

The Fairy Fairy will always be one of my favorite childhood memories.

Holiday Treasures

I can't even begin to express the euphoria of this last week. My life has seen a great deal of blessings, but none can compare to the precious gifts that I have received in the last few days.

Reuniting with the past has forever been my biggest fear. As with all memories, the good must come with the bad. It is difficult to look back on one's mistakes without feeling shame, and sometimes it is difficult to look past the horrors and see the joy.

Most turning points in life come unexpectedly, as my life has shown time and again. Never would I have imagined on Sunday, that my life would alter forever by Saturday. To be reunited with a loved one is a blessed event. To be reunited with the three most influential people of your life, all at once, well.... it's unimaginable. My senses are on overload.

For the first time, I see that the pieces of my past and present may fit into my life puzzle after all.

How can I begin to thank you?

To Karen: My Sister, in every truest sense of the word... For once, my words seem to fail me. How to describe such a bond? From the beginning of time, you were always by my side, stumbling through endless pitfalls and triumphs. As I sit here, my mind is flooded by a torrent of memories, and I find myself laughing and crying, watching two little girls growing, sharing, loving, fighting, and playing...oblivious to the rest of the world. Finding you again is like finding a lost piece of my soul.

To Brenda: My Moosie, my Mother, who took me into her family, and loved me as one of her own... In the warmth of your home, I learned how to fly! You opened my eyes to a world of wonders; without you, I never would have seen the the beautiful colors of life. You taught me how to follow a different path, and how to find the beauty of the world around me. I am thrilled to show you the radiant bird that I am now....a swan, who would have been a duck forever, without your nest.

and of course,

To David: My Conscience, always the driving force of my life... Throughout these last 12 years, I have always heard your voice in my head, guiding me and shaping me into the person I am today. Never a day has gone by, that I haven't thought of you, and ached to share my life with you. I have missed your friendship terribly.

Fabulous? or Stupidity?

Once again, I am "working" extremely hard. Check out this diamond teabag I saw on "The Fabulous Life."

You have got to be kidding me. $14,000 for a filter holding dirt and leaves?! Sometimes I just wonder what rich people are thinking. If you have that much money to spend and are thinking about buying a teabag with it, then you should really put it to better use and check into an institution.

Easily Amused

I've been staring at this for at least a half an hour. This is what I like to call "working." It has only just now occurred to me that maybe this isn't the best way to rest my eyes after retouching pictures in Photoshop all day.

Boycott of the Day

I am a big fan of boycotting. I truly believe that if a company isn't out to serve you, then why bother spending your money there. Of course, that isn't the only reason to boycott. I tend to make up lots of little rules in my twisted head, and then am compelled to follow them, seeing as they are my rules.

For example, I have never set foot in a Walgreen's in my life (and never will), due to the fact that my best friend was treated horribly by a manager in Alabama seven years ago. I refuse to eat at Happy Buffet, or Happy Crab, because the name sounds as if the health department should visit there frequently. Bank of America is SATAN. Radio Shack's employees are brain damaged, and I would never go into a Wendy's, if not for the fact that my boyfriend thinks that it is a five star restaurant. As a result, I am forced against my will to eat there at least once a week. Thank the gods they have good salads.

Anyway, my new boycott of the day is KFC. Let me tell you a little story about last night. It's not that great of a story, but it pissed me off, so please just humor me and listen a little while longer. Here we go...

It's about 8:00pm. I pull into the drive thru of KFC at Hilltop. There is no one there, no people inside or in the parking lot, and no one at the drive thru. I pull out to the talking-box-speaker-thing, and there I wait. And wait. And wait.

Five minutes later the voice speaks, "Welcome to KFC, would you like to try our whateverstupidspecialofthedayis? Order when your ready."

At this point, my eyes have rolled at least 15 times, but I say, "I'd like to order a number 1 wi..."
"Do you want original or extra crispy?"

Make that 16 eye rolls. If you let me friggin talk... "Extra Crispy. And I woul..."

"Did you say extra crispy?"

17. "Yes, I did. Can I g..."

"What sides did you want with that?"

18. "I want mashed potatoes for both sides, but I want no..."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but we only have don't have extra crispy in the breast, did you want original?"

19. No, you dumb bitch, I want a hamburger. "That's fine, and can I get the mashed potatoes with no..."

"Okay,sothat'sanumberonewithmashedpotatoeswithgravybothsidesdidyouwantanything
elsewiththattoday?"

20. "Yes, I do, but I don't want any gravy on the mashed potatoes. I also want..."

"Okay, no gravy on the mashed potatoes. Anything else?"

21. Yeah, I want you to quit interrupting me. "Yes, I want another..."

"Oh Ma'am, I'm sorry, did we DO have the breast in extra crispy. Did you want that instead?"

22. No shit, that's what I wanted in the first place. "Yes, and I want another breast and a famous bowl."

"Ok,soIhaveanumberoneextracrispywithmashedpotatoesnogravy,anextrabreastandafamous
bowlwillthatbeallforyoutoday?"

"Yes, that's it."

"Okay, your total is $11.42, please drive up."

Lord love a duck. I drive up to the window, and before the girl decides to come to the window, I realize that I forgot to order extra biscuits, because the idiot kept cutting me off. Eye roll 23. So, when she opened her window, I said, "I'm sorry, can I add an order of biscuits to that?"

"Oh, no, I can't take add on's at the window."

24. 25. 26. 27. You have got to be kidding me. Remember, there is no one in the store, and no one in front or in back of me. I looked at her like her she was wearing her bra outside of her shirt and said, "Are you telling me that with no one in the store, and no one in line, that I have to wait here for my food, then drive around the building; talk into the speaker, and then come back to this window again when you are standing in front of me in person right now?"

"Uh-huh."

29. 30. 31. 32. "You have lost your damn mind. Here," and I hand her my money. At this point, I should have just left, but Randy NEVER asks for anything, and he asked for KFC, so I stayed.

And waited. And waited. 33.

Finally, she comes to the window and says, "Ma'am, we're just waiting on your biscuit, could you pull around the building, and we'll bring your food out to you."

34-40. HELL NO, I AM NOT PULLING AROUND THE BUILDING! I looked at her with my eyes now stuck in the back of my head and said, "No Ma'am; I am not pulling around the building. There is no one waiting here but me, and here is where I will wait. If I won't drive around for 4 biscuits, then I am certainly not driving around for 1. I don't know what your fascination is with wanting me to drive around the parking lot like it's a go cart track, but I am not going anywhere."

This child's face was classic horror. Needless to say, they found a biscuit on the floor or something, cause my food came out lickety-split.

I drove off and screamed obscenities all the way home.

*************************************************

Whew, I feel better getting all of that out.

My point, boys and girls, is that KFC is now on the boycott list. I work very hard licking butt all day long for stupid people spending their money with me. When I decide to spend my money, I want my butt licked as well. If corporations don't give a shit about quality of service, then I will no longer contribute to thier mansions and face lifts.

If everyone had boycott lists, maybe things would be different.

BTW....Places that Kick Ass (at least here in Virgina Beach):

Towne Bank
Barnes & Noble
Silver Diner
Bad Ass Coffee
Hancock Fabrics